Friday, February 23, 2007

Playing Inside my Head

What's the big deal? How is being hypnotized to obey so different from simply being a very devoted submissive?

Since now i'm a bit of both i thought i'd try and tackle the subtle and sometimes not so subtle differences here.

When i first met Sir, we started things out slowly, testing the waters and building trust. Much like any Dom/sub relationship, as we got more comfortable with one another we pushed further. Being a fairly naturally obedient sub, giving over to Him came easily for me with time. There is not much that He would have asked of me that i would not have obeyed.

So ... when we started talking about trance and hypnosis, it was strange that i would be fearful. After all, i already trusted Him to guide and play with my body. After much consideration, it became clear that my fear came from the magnitude of power i would be giving up.

You may wonder why this is so different, so powerful, if i was going to obey Him anyway. For me, the difference is this ...

Before trance, it was a conscious choice to obey, and i knew exactly what i was doing every single time. As a sub, i still had my own thoughts, my own feelings, and my own objections that could be voiced at appropriate moments.

But if i was to give in to the trance, to His voice, He would have free rein to play inside my head. At a moment's notice, He could have me do nearly anything and i would literally be unable to disobey.

After weighing each side pretty carefully, i threw away all the arguments and went with my gut instead of my head like i usually do. i leapt. i gave in, and trusted that while He might push me, He enjoyed playing with me and wasn't going to do anything to ruin that.

Now i just obey, regardless. No thought, no hesitation. It just happens -- and often i don't remember until He allows me to recall it.

The difference is in that moment of hesitation. Before, i needed to think about it, process it and consciously obey. Now ... it just is.

It may seem scary. And quite often i am still in complete awe of what He has achieved, but the power of it is actually somewhat comforting. He still keeps me safe, yet can take me toe to the line, a hair's breadth from my limits, with just a few carefully placed words.

On the flip side, He can take me to a place of such deep relaxation that absolutely everything else in my life falls away. i can literally be a pet at His feet. He can take me away from laundry and dishes and taxes by turning my into a puppy whose only thoughts are of love and cuddles and pleasure. He can change my senses, withhold sensation and turn me into His complete and utter plaything at will.

Without trance this would not be possible, i couldn't have let go that completely.

He has taken me places i never thought i would go. With His words and His incredibly inventive imagination he has gotten further into my head than anyone i have ever known.

6 comments:

Semega said...

Very interesting! Can you describe to me what your sense of self is? What most people think of as a sense of self, ok what I think of, is all the memories and life experiences I have had make up who I am. When that becomes altered, do you loose your "self"?

It seems you feel that this actually reflects your truer self without conventions, and other sorts getting in the way of you reacting, reflecting and experiencing. Is that close to the mark?

Clare said...

Thanks for clearing this up for me e

HypnoSlave e said...

My sense of self....wow....hmmm deep...i don't think being in trance has altered my sense of self at all. i certainly haven't lost myself either. If anything, it probably has allowed me to go deeper inside myself than i would have normally allowed. To just be....and obey without overthinking or worrying...to be in the moment.

Semega said...

Hypnoslave e, so what you are saying is that hypnosis hasn't changed you into something different, but has amplified what you are? Stripping down layers of defense mechanisms? I am just new to this and wish to examine this with my wife/slave, and I am keen to see the positives of this. It might be that as a dominant, giving up control, for me, is something I find less appealing, so this journey the two of you are taking is of Great interest to me!

HypnoMaster D said...

Your questions have touched off a lot of discussion about this. It's not an easy subject to put into words, but e is working on it.

Semega said...

No disrespect meant to either of you, my intentions are not to rock the boat between you two but rather open up a dialogue on a different tangent.

To me that loss of control is something I would fear, even with someone I trust, as i don't have a very good grasp as to what hypnosis is/can do/cannot do, so this is a fascinating blog to read and learn about this subject!