Friday, February 16, 2007

Out on the Edge

We've talked about effects, body modification, playing with my memory and the usual kinds of parlour tricks associated with hypnosis, i wanted to take some time to talk about something else We've been working on.

From time to time We have played with things at the very edges of my limits, going so far as to work on one major phobia in particular. i am extremely claustrophobic. This stems from a pretty serious near death experience. i can't stand being in closets or inside anything where my face is covered or i can't see out or get out on my own.

This presents some potential problems for bondage situations that Sir may want to engage in with me including hoods, complete mummification He thought, and i agreed somewhat nervously that we should work on conquering this together.

He is not a therapist but He definitely understands where my phobia comes from. We've had extensive conversations about it. i've talked through where my fear comes from and what triggers it. With His empathetic nature He is somewhat of a natural at helping me face and conquer this fear.

We started out very very slowly with Him putting me inside a bag for a couple seconds at a time, always with His voice in my ear calming me and keeping me grounded in the present instead of flashing back to past experience. It was very hard at first, being isolated like that and the first few times i think i nearly hyperventilated.

Slowly though, with His calm voice and reassurances i began to be able to spend more and more time inside the bag, eventually growing to 30 seconds or so which would have been unthinkable even a few short months ago. He and i both discussed the progress and decided it was time to continue.

He started by sitting me on the floor and surrounding me with three brick walls so i could still see out the front. Then, with His ever present voice in my ear, He closed the last wall very close around me. i nearly panicked but He quickly brought me back down reassuring me that i was safe and ok ... that He was right there with me.

It took some time to get used to that, to being so completely closed in, the wall going all the way up to the sky, and i still breathe hard and have to really concentrate in order to sit still but please believe me when i say that there is NO WAY that would have been possible before He started this with me.

We have continued to push this boundary and are now working on actual closets which is where my fear comes from so it is the most intense of 'panic buttons'. He has a very clever mind, which you may have noticed, and is always thinking of new ways to replace my fear with pleasure instead, allowing me to move forward in ways that i never imagined possible.

Once or twice He has put a trigger on my closet door so that when i walk in, and get up the courage to close the door, i orgasm. This definitely has a way of tweaking ones perspective, though i am very far from comfortable in the closet with the door closed at least i can stand in there and think about closing the door without abject panic washing over me.

We've also played with my 'younger self' in relation to this fear. He has reverted me to times where closets were fun, exciting places rather than something to be feared. We have played hide and seek several times, hiding from various friends i had when i was younger. We've also played dress up in my mom's closet, the smells and sights so familiar that they instantly calmed me.

Most recently we were in the closet playing 'seven minutes in heaven' which i don't think i've played since about the 8th grade. It was fun kissing Him as my younger self and giggling about what everyone outside was thinking. This has definitely helped change my perception of what the closet is and is somewhat more related to traditional 'therapy' ... though i don't think you're supposed to make out with your therapist.

This is not something to be taken lightly or "played" with. A phobia or trigger this serious needs to be dealt with in a calm and rational manner and should never be used to scare or tease a sub, but with careful planning and tiny baby steps it can be worked through and the line pushed ever so gently forward.

1 comment:

Semega said...

I have often wondered if getting rid of my phobia(heights) could be done with hypnosis. It's interesting that this can't be solved in one sitting. As you work through this, please keep us updated!