While e was off on a trip somewhere the other day, I was chatting with her subconscious about something that intrigued me.
"People everywhere wonder about the nature of the subconscious," I said. "It must be interesting to you, to know and not be able to tell them."
"People will find out when they're supposed to ... when they ask the right questions," she said. "Like You, now."
No kidding. I've been asking her, seemingly nonstop, questions about the subconscious and the rest of the mind, ever since I realized that all I needed to do was inquire. And, with my friend K's help, I've been asking the same of his sub c's subconscious.
Together, all six (!) of us have been learning a lot about the varied personalities behind the mind games.
It's based on a sample of two, I realize, but here for now are my findings.
Both c2 and e2 [sorry for the awkward names, we're doing our best here] have been around since infancy and grew up along with the conscious person. Both have slightly better memories, particularly noticeable with early conversations ("I recall Dad singing") and life events.
"I can remember her first ice cream, she's only heard the story," e2 says.
"I remember her first memory vividly," c2 says, "She and her best friend cutting each other's hair at 1.5 years old. She recalls the actual cutting, I remember the conversation."
e was not aware of e2's existence, but c knew about c2 for a few years during childhood, when c2 was her imaginary friend. They chatted out loud to each other (especially while looking in the mirror) discussing things like which dolls to play with and whether to wake up their baby sister. This went on until about age 5, when c made more friends and gradually forgot about her secret friend.
That's not the spooky part. This is: c named her imaginary friend "Megan" and called her that throughout their play. c has since forgotten those days, but c2 didn't; she initially told us that was her name.
But what neither c nor c2 ever knew -- until this week-- was that "Megan" was an early name their parents had intended for c's twin sister, who miscarried. Only K happened to know that name, and he had the difficult task of telling this whole story to c last night. What it means? Who knows.
As c and e grew, their subconsciouses say they were always there inside. "i sense everything and feel everything," c2 says. "i can move with her...sometimes it's like standing behind her ... while being inside her body."
Both young women suffered traumatic experiences. c was raped by a relative, and e endured an abusive boyfriend. Both subconsciouses say they helped to handle the experiences, and they say the incidents caused their personalities to diverge somewhat from their conscious selves. Today, e is more cautious than e2, c is not quite as limitless as c2. But neither believes the incidents "created" them.
As adults, contacts between "front" and "back" have been limited. Both "front" personalities keep things tightly under control and don't let much through. c2 has been able to influence c, sometimes by putting words in her mouth. e2 talks with e during her occasional meditations. ("What language or symbols do you use to talk to her?" "Umm ... English.")
Dreams are interesting. Both e2 and c2 usually sleep when e and c sleep, and share in whatever the conscious person is dreaming. But sometimes, they have dreams of their own, which are projected into the conscious person's sleep as well. "Sometimes my imagination runs away with me," c2 says.
But now that we've "unlocked" them, by processes apparently no more complicated than a standard hypnotic induction, e2 and c2 have taken control of all the "effects" we thought of as hypnotically induced. "It's not so difficult," e2 says.
I've mentioned before that one of my proudest hypnotic effects was to banish e's menstrual cramps. They haven't come back for months now. But if that is something that e2 actually controls, why didn't she do it years ago?
"She never thought of asking," e2 said. "She probably could have, through meditation."
It sounds like a frustrating life, always in the backseat, with the driver mostly unaware of you. But neither expresses that. Both seem satisfied as observer, voyeurs.
c2 says: "I could push myself if need be, into all aspects of her life, but it is draining for her physically and mentally. I get all I want through her. I push her when I want more. I help her through her pain barriers. But i am content to sit back."
e2 agrees, and even when pressed says she doesn't really have any annoyances with e. Except, well, she wouldn't mind more sex.
PS: Are you thinking 'multiple personalities'? Before you take that thought too far, check out this extraordinary site I found today, a gathering place for normal, healthy people who happen to embody several persons. Astraea's