Thursday, March 8, 2007

I Feel Compelled

A few of you have been really interested in my daily routine and how hypnosis and my 'compulsions' fit in. i thought i'd take a bit of time and do my best to oblige. A lot of them have become sort of second nature to me, so i'm going to ask D to make sure i haven't forgotten anything and comment for me if He'd like to.

The first one, and sort of the reason all this hypnosis stuff started, is my timed peeing. Most of you have already heard about this, but i thought i'd elaborate a bit and try to explain some of the feeling behind it.

When we started out, one of the tasks D gave me (pre-hypnosis) was to pee every even-numbered hour and then make myself cum. This was basically, i think, a show of my submission and a test of dedication.

i'm far from perfect and was late a couple of times, which tore me up because i tend to be quite eager to please and very submissive. Making a mistake like this is really painful. We were trying to think of ways to avoid further mistakes, and D suggested trying hypnosis.

Fast forward to now ... and i absolutely can not look at the clock, or even think about the time close to an even hour, without feeling like my bladder is about to burst. It's not a choice anymore, if i don't find a bathroom i will wet myself. While the thought of this makes me blush, it is wonderful to have a reminder every other hour of who i am.

[Note from D: The interesting thing about compulsions is that you don't think much about them. For instance, it's no longer remarkable to e that when she steps into the bathroom she is transformed into a puppy in a park and carries out her duties that way.}

Of course at noon now i pee as a man, which isn't nearly as confusing as one might think. It gives me a great sense of freedom and boldness that i've never really known as a woman, something we're trying to figure out how to capture and use to my advantage.

Something that is fairly new to my schedule is my nightly ritual of obedience to Him. i get all ready for bed, get naked and kneel on the floor beside the bed. He is always sitting there in front of me, in my mind anyway, and that makes me smile. Lying on the floor next to me is a small pile of clothespins. They're not the average wooden type, but plastic with rubber tips. They're made by Rubbermaid if i recall, and have quite a bite to them.

i take a deep breath and place one clothespin after another on my breasts. Each week i increase the number of clothespins by one; tonight there will be 16. Surprisingly i can't feel them at all, there is no pain. i just keep adding clothespins until there are only two left. These last two go on my nipples.

When i attach the last clothespin, there is an unbelievable rush of pain as the bite held back from each one rushes over me all at once. Most nights it takes my breath away for a few seconds, and i really have to fight to keep from crying out. The rush of pain reminds me who i am and who i serve. It hurts, but is also very comforting, perhaps that's something only another sub could understand.

D has a bit of a thing for large insertables and enjoys watching delicate holes being stretched beyond normal capacity, to put it nicely. So, another portion of my nightly ritual is stretching my pussy before bed every night, using progressively larger objects.

When i crawl into bed at night i untie the red leather lace that holds my rings together and lube myself up really well. i then slowly insert whatever object we happen to be using at that time and fuck myself with it for 15-20 minutes or so. At the moment it happens to be a fairly large pillar candle, which was somewhat unthinkable just a little while ago. Eventually i let myself cum, generally very hard, and i drift off to sleep with some very nice dreams.

Sometime in the middle of the night D comes to visit me. It's at a different time each night, but He always manages to sneak into my head. Lately He's been really interested in playing with His RealDoll e. i'm turned into a very realistic but very inanimate sex doll for Him to use as He wishes.

i can always 'feel' Him close to me, feel Him posing His doll in anticipation of using me, but i am completely His object at that point. He uses me and takes His pleasure, and the only thing i can do is lie there and accept whatever He chooses to give me. i can feel a bit of friction, but no pleasure, i know i am being stretched and used, but it's mostly mental. i am coming to really enjoy being His literal toy, so thank you to those of you who encouraged this through your comments!!

Something we haven't written about is Dungeon Time. i'm generally pretty busy during the day, so we were looking for a way to give me a bit of relaxation time -- just 10 minutes where i could relax and let go. Sir has given instructions to my subconscious, and He'll have to elaborate on how He did it because i'm still not really sure.

Almost every day when i'm free and have time to myself, i sit down and hear His voice telling me that it's Dungeon Time. i take off all my clothes and head down into the dungeon.

[Note from D: e no longer think it's remarkable that next to her bed is a door that leads to a flight of stairs that leads to a basement dungeon, all of which materialized for her sometime last fall. The details of this daily use are among the more complex things that I've told her subconscious to memorize and implement.]

Each day there is something new waiting for me, and from what i can gather it seem to rotate on a weekly basis. He is always waiting for me in the dungeon, and we play together. So far i've experienced piercings, wax play, bondage, cages, contortion, suspension, spanking, watersports, flogging, canes, and many other things. It is an amazing break in my day and really focuses and refreshes me.

This seems like a lot when it's all written out, but really it's become second nature and an integral part of my daily life that i think i'd really miss it were any of it to go away.


Semega said...

Very cool!
The ability to create environments, and whole scenes, can really break free the constraints of the reality that not everyone has the room for a dungeon, nor the money for purchasing all those toys. Practiced this way, a couple could be in an eighteen century castle, when in reality they are in a studio apartment in some subburb.

Anonymous said...

love to hear about the bdsm and combination with hypnosis, its a perfect match, and the daily compulsions are the key to it all.

Its amazing and i glad to hear it works so well.

cant wait to hear more

Marc said...

really good recap of everything so far i felt. makes me wonder whats next both sort term and long term for e?

c said...

I had my first "awake" illusion today thanks to the help of "Megan" I went from doing the laundry to having both K and a mystery man inside me...K was there at the time...I could have sworn the other man was...i felt his hands on my skin and him inside me...IT WAS INCREDIBLE! Much thanks to D and e for making that possible

Anonymous said...

Erotic hypnosis can be quite a turn on for both tist and subject. Creating a multiple personality is not a good idea. A submissive can experience all of what you do without creating false multiples. I know, been doing it for 18 years.