Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Anticipation

My life has gotten a bit unpredictable lately. Since i met D, things have become very interesting. i never seem to know on any given day exactly what might happen to me. Lately it seems that things have become even more surprising.

i got out of my car the other night, and as soon as my left foot touched the ground i found myself in the middle of a very intense orgasm. i gasped, my head spinning with the third instant surprise orgasm of the week.

i was very, very glad that i was still holding onto the door, as my legs started to shake. One or two people heard me making noise. i quickly had to tell them that i was just fine and had just stepped into a hole.

This anticipation and unpredictability are extreme turn-ons for me. I love never knowing what will happen, what little piece of pleasure or shame He has planted with my subconscious, marion. It makes everything in life a little brighter, more interesting... i find myself looking at everything around me, wondering if it will be a cue, if now is the moment that something wild is going to happen.

Today i found myself wandering in the park, looking at how many people were around, thinking to myself, "Could it be the kids on the swings, the big black dog running across the baseball field, or maybe just the fact that it's a sunny day?" What tiny little detail could next send me flying?

This works because i trust D. i know that He wouldn't put me in danger physically or mentally. i'm turned on because i know that He might embarrass or humiliate me, but that it won't be in a situation that would cause me to lose friends or my job.

These shameful moments are not just about D getting off on embarrassing me, though i'm fairly certain that He enjoys them. In fact, i would guess that they do far more for me. They allow me to feel connected to Him, to know that He controls me. And they allow me to express my devotion in ways that test but do not hurt me.

Through this shame he also allows me to explore my darker side -- the part of me that enjoys being embarrassed and humiliated and made to feel small. These are things that most people would never guess about me, but that i can share and enjoy with Him.

1 comment:

c said...

e, you again find a way to put things into words that i never seem to be able to! Peoples comments about the pool thing for example, if only i had your literary skills i would have been able to explain myself properly! What is a turn on for you with these suprises is also a turn on for me. we're both 2 very lucky girls to be experiencing all these new things. Thank you again for such a wonderful blog xox